We asked University of Missouri-St. Louis students to answer questions about sex and communication. Here is how they responded.

Define Your Line has partnered with students and staff at University of Missouri-St. Louis to see what UMSL students think are the best ways to communicate with current or prospective romantic partners. Below are some initial responses!

If you are a UMSL student, look for us around campus so you can tell us what questions you have or respond to questions posed by other students. You can also submit your questions here on this site. 

We will update this page periodically with new responses and questions we receive from UMSL students, so make sure to Like us on Facebook and Follow us on Twitter to stay in the loop, and see if your question or answer is featured!

All infographics created by UMSL student and Campaign Media Administrator, Jamie Vergano. 

Q: How do you say no to sex if you are not ready?


Q: How do you ask someone about their sexuality?


Q: Is it best to just ask someone upfront if he/she wants to have sex?


Q: When does texting someone become harassment?


Q: Why don't guys just straight up ask a girl if she wants to have sex?


Q: How important is sex to women and men?


UMSL student Jamie Vergano responds to the following questions:





Below are responses from college students at other schools AS WELL. 

Check out the rest of the site for more and to provide your own thoughts.

Ask Questions. Get Answers. Have Better Sex.

 

Oklahoma State University students tell us how they prefer to communicate with sexual partners.

Define Your Line and 1 is 2 many asked Oklahoma State University students to anonymously answer common questions asked by other college students about sexual consent and how to best communicate with sexual partners. 

Below is a summary of some of the most common and insightful responses we received.

 

Q: Is it best to just ask someone upfront if s/he wants to have sex?

The vast majority of students responded to this question with a resounding "yes!"

One student wrote, "It's better to be straight forward rather to be unsure. You never know how far is too far if you don't ask."

Another student responded by saying, "ALWAYS! I believe consent is so sexy! It's something that is mandatory and communication makes for safer, more fun sex."


Q: How do you know if someone is too drunk to say yes to sex?

One student felt that being able to drive may be a good indicator of drunkenness. 

Other students responded by saying that if you cannot verbally give consent, then you are too drunk. One student in particular wrote, "If they cannot verbally say they want to or if they are not able to have control." 

"If you have to ask, they are probably too drunk," another student replied.


Q: Is not saying no the same as saying yes to sex?

Most students gave responses similar to the following, that only a clear "yes" is considered consent. Many students acknowledged that nonverbal cues may occur throughout an encounter but that a verbal agreement was eventually necessary before things get hot and heavy.


Q: Do guys judge a girl if she doesn't want to have sex?

Some students felt that the answer to this question was unfortunately yes, but many also disagreed. 


Q: Do guys ever feel pressured to have sex?

Men can feel pressure to have sex just like women, so it's not fair to stereotype all men as sex-crazed or not to acknowledge that men can experience coercion and assault just as women can.

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"What other questions do you want answered?"

 You can also let us know what questions you have, and we'll work on getting them answered!

Ask Questions. Get Answers. Have Better Sex. 

What if we could tell you how to have better sex?

By: Alexis Anderson, PR major at Texas Tech University

Define Your Line anonymously asked hundreds of college students (including self-identified female, male,  trans, and non-gender confirming students) what questions they had about sexual consent -- so we could learn the ways in which students prefer to communicate with their partners (and "have better sex!"). Hundreds more students (well, some students could have provided both Qs and As) responded to some of the most common questions. Here are the results!

"Does going home with someone mean you want to have sex?"

The vast majority of students responded "no," though some students said "usually" or "it depends." About 10% said "yes." The question also resulted in some students asking additional questions like "Why can’t guys just take no for an answer?" and "Why do guys feel as though they are more entitled to sex than girls?" 

Going home with someone can be a bit of a mixed signal. Make your intentions known upfront so no one is confused about what to expect. And let's not make this a stereotype about gender. Women can initiate too, and not all men expect sex in this situation. 

"Is it best to just ask someone upfront iF s/he wants to have sex?"

About half responded "yes" and followed it up with responses like, "it is the respectful thing to do" or "it is just best to make sure." While half of the students thought it was best to ask someone upfront, about 25 percent of students said "no" because it could be viewed as rude or some girls/guys could see it as disrespectful.  

Not everyone communicates in the same way about sex, so you have to feel the situation out and read both the verbal and non-verbal signals. However, eventually, someone has to initiate and ask whether that's what the other person wants. It can be awkward, but clear communication shows you respect the person and are confident, which is always a sexy quality to have!

"What's a nice way to say no to sex?"

Some students said it would be good to simply say something like, "I am saving myself" or "I'm just not interested." Others felt it was important to be very clear when saying no, regardless of whether it comes off as nice or not. 

If you don't want to have sex with someone, you have the right to say no. Your body. Your rules.

"How do you know if someone is too drunk to have sex?"

Almost all students responded by saying that you can usually look at the person to determine if they are too drunk to have sex. Many gave responses such as, "If they can barely speak or walk" and "If they are any level of drunk." 

Many assaults occur when one or both people are drunk, so be careful when mixing alcohol and sex. Make sure both you and the other person have the coherent ability to say yes if that's what you want. 

 You can also follow us on Twitter and Facebook to learn more about how to have better sex

Ask Questions. Get Answers. Have Better Sex.

 

College students debunk common gender and sex stereotypes.

Define Your Line anonymously asked 505 college students to indicate their level of agreement with the following rape myth statements. While the low percentage of college students agreeing with these statements is encouraging, these are myths for a reason.

Believing in statements like the ones above can lead to victim blaming, where the person who is assaulted is made to feel as though it was their fault.  Women often told that what they did (e.g., got drunk, dressed "slutty," acted "flirty") was the reason they were assaulted. However, the only person to blame in an assault is the person who committed the violence.

 

MYTH: MEN CAN'T BE RAPED

Another rape myth is the misconception that men can't be raped. Sexual assault is not just a women's issue; men can be assaulted by someone of any gender.

Below are the results from another recent anonymous survey by Define Your Line with 996 college students about these types of myths. 

You'll see that while most students did not agree with rape myths about men, we can still see some discrepancies about whether to believe a man if he says he was sexually assaulted. All survivors - regardless of gender - deserve to be supported and believed.

See the AAU Campus Survey on Sexual Assault and Sexual Misconduct for other statistics on these issues.

We'd love to hear from you as well! You can also follow us on Twitter and Facebook to learn more about how to have better sexIf you have any questions about the methodology of the surveys conducted, please feel free to reach out to the researchers at questions@defineyourline.org

Ask Questions. Get Answers. Have Better Sex.