By: Alexis Anderson, PR major at Texas Tech University
Define Your Line anonymously asked hundreds of college students (including self-identified female, male, trans, and non-gender confirming students) what questions they had about sexual consent -- so we could learn the ways in which students prefer to communicate with their partners (and "have better sex!"). Hundreds more students (well, some students could have provided both Qs and As) responded to some of the most common questions. Here are the results!
"Does going home with someone mean you want to have sex?"
The vast majority of students responded "no," though some students said "usually" or "it depends." About 10% said "yes." The question also resulted in some students asking additional questions like "Why can’t guys just take no for an answer?" and "Why do guys feel as though they are more entitled to sex than girls?"
Going home with someone can be a bit of a mixed signal. Make your intentions known upfront so no one is confused about what to expect. And let's not make this a stereotype about gender. Women can initiate too, and not all men expect sex in this situation.
"Is it best to just ask someone upfront iF s/he wants to have sex?"
About half responded "yes" and followed it up with responses like, "it is the respectful thing to do" or "it is just best to make sure." While half of the students thought it was best to ask someone upfront, about 25 percent of students said "no" because it could be viewed as rude or some girls/guys could see it as disrespectful.
Not everyone communicates in the same way about sex, so you have to feel the situation out and read both the verbal and non-verbal signals. However, eventually, someone has to initiate and ask whether that's what the other person wants. It can be awkward, but clear communication shows you respect the person and are confident, which is always a sexy quality to have!
"What's a nice way to say no to sex?"
Some students said it would be good to simply say something like, "I am saving myself" or "I'm just not interested." Others felt it was important to be very clear when saying no, regardless of whether it comes off as nice or not.
If you don't want to have sex with someone, you have the right to say no. Your body. Your rules.
"How do you know if someone is too drunk to have sex?"
Almost all students responded by saying that you can usually look at the person to determine if they are too drunk to have sex. Many gave responses such as, "If they can barely speak or walk" and "If they are any level of drunk."
Many assaults occur when one or both people are drunk, so be careful when mixing alcohol and sex. Make sure both you and the other person have the coherent ability to say yes if that's what you want.
Ask Questions. Get Answers. Have Better Sex.